Two years ago, at the end of a mental coaching process, I sat with a professional. I wanted to improve my performance in every area of my life, and I had gone through a series of Zoom sessions with him.
As usual, he asked questions that touched on painful or challenging areas, so that I could examine them — and myself — because that is how we grow and move forward in life.
Among other things, I told him that I wanted to lose weight because I was overweight. When he asked me why, I answered that I was beginning to feel it in my knees and was afraid of damaging my health.
He then held up a mirror to me and said:
“Pay attention. You don’t want to lose weight because you want to look good — even though, of course, you do want to look good. You don’t even want to lose weight because you want to be healthy. You want to lose weight because you don’t want to become sick, because you don’t want to cause damage.
In other words, this is not a choice — it is a necessity. It is not initiative, but reaction.
It won’t work for you this way.
When you reach the point where you understand — intellectually, and then emotionally — that you want to lose weight because you want to look good and because you want to be healthy, it will come from the right place. And then you will succeed without constant battles and pain.”
That was the moment when I truly understood the blessing we wish ourselves on Rosh Hashanah:
“May we be the head and not the tail.”
In other words: May we be proactive rather than reactive. May we choose out of desire, rather than act out of necessity.
And this, dear friends, is my wish for all of you:
May we be the head and not the tail.
And by the way, it took me more than a year until I truly reached that intellectual and emotional realization regarding my weight. And then it started to happen, thank G-d.
By the way #2: He told me exactly the same thing about my desire to study a Chassidic lesson every morning before dawn. It took me some time to internalize it — and now it simply works. Try it at home. 😊
By the way #3: He told me the same thing about money as well. But we’ll leave that for another time. 😉
Shanah Tovah U’metukah — wishing you a good and sweet New Year!
Rabbi Zalman Wishedski