“Go with your heart,” coaches say today. “Listen to your heart,” say the counselors.
But once upon a time – not so long ago – it wasn’t like that. In the previous generation people not only didn’t dare to go with their hearts, but didn’t even try to see what those hearts wanted. What one wanted didn’t matter; people just did what they had to do.
My generation was educated this way as well, but at a certain stage and age people started to dare to ask – quietly, feeling almost ashamed of themselves – “What do I want?”, and not only “What do I have to do?” The next generation, the younger one, already asks to start with “What do I want?” – and that almost exclusively. This is the generation of “Go with your heart” and most people choose only work that they like. “To do something you love” has become the call of the times, a privilege that did not exist before.
This, apparently, is the result of the economic situation as well as the general and personal security situation that the world enjoys right now – the best since the world was created. The previous generations dealt with life itself, struggling to cope with it. But today people are busy dealing with quality of life. In the past, ordinary people had a bicycle, and today they have two cars, from which we see that there is the privilege of checking out what one wants, and not only what one has to do.
Truthfully, it is not right to do only what one has to; rather, it is right to choose and adapt the doing and the work to a person’s characteristics, because one should listen to the heart. On the other hand, it is not possible to go only with the heart, because the puzzle called “life” is made up of many pieces and it is impossible to love them all. A person who loves to teach might not like to grade exams. And a person who loves to design clothes won’t necessarily enjoy the bookkeeping that goes with it.
So what should one do? This is what Yaakov Avinu did in this week’s parasha, parashat Vayishlach.
According to Chazal,before his meeting with his brother, Esav, Yaakov “hitkin (readied) himself for three things: gift, prayer, and war.” The Rebbe emphasizes the word “hitkin” and differentiates it from the word “prepared.” According to Rashi, Yaakov didn’t really want to give his brother a gift that was undeserved in his opinion. He also didn’t want to pray, because he was afraid that he had sinned, and then the prayer wouldn’t help. From war he was truly afraid, as it says in the Torah, “And he was distressed.” But in life there are times when one simply has to do what needs to be done, even if one doesn’t want to. “Preparing” is not enough here; there is the need to ready oneself with new powers. Hitkin possibly comes from the word tikkun – correction, or, perhaps one should say that Yaakov installed in his heart new hardware or software, so that he would be able to cope with what he was going to be facing, and to do those three things that were necessary before the meeting.
So, yes, I am all for people generally working at what they love and what they are good at, but they should also know to ready themselves to do what has to be done when necessary, even when they don’t want to do so.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Zalmen Wishedski