“Nitah kein farfallen” (“nothing is lost”) is sometimes understood as referring to a situation that is almost lost — almost everything is over, almost gone — and then comes Pesach Sheni, stands firmly on its feet, and declares: *nothing is lost*.
A couple serving as shluchim who came to me for marriage counseling over Zoom have made — and are continuing to make — a wonderful and moving journey. But at the beginning, when they first came and everything looked like one big chaos, he presented a picture of a relationship that seemed almost beyond repair, and she agreed to come only to give it one last chance. I stopped them and asked them to step for a moment outside the “courtroom,” to temporarily set aside all the incriminating evidence they were holding, and to draw the picture of their optimal, ultimate, desired, dream relationship.
It was really difficult. They were deep in the mud. Both had come wearing boxing gloves, already standing on opposite sides of the ring, ready for the countdown — and suddenly they were asked to stop everything and begin thinking about something far, far away: an optimal state.
He managed to go along with it first. He thought for a moment and said:
“For me, an optimal relationship would be that we don’t fight, that we stop getting angry. That we won’t be sour all the time. That whenever we’re home together there won’t be something heavy between us. No fights, no anger.”
He kept describing this until I stopped him and said:
“Look how even your dream is still very far from something truly bright. If the maximum you can imagine is no fighting, no anger, no heaviness
you’re describing a ceasefire agreement. But not peace.
And if peace — then at most like the peace between Israel and Egypt. No visits, Israelis don’t vacation in Cairo and Egyptians don’t visit Tel Aviv. Yes, we try not to kill each other.
Is that your maximum?
Is this your ‚nitah kein farfallen‘? That nothing is lost, and therefore maybe we’ll still manage to live without anger, fights, shouting, and bitterness?!
Try to imagine peace like the peace with the United Arab Emirates — full flights back and forth with tourists, flourishing businesses, everyone celebrating. Do you have the courage and ability to dream about something like that between you?”
“I need a few shots of l’chaim to imagine that,” he told me with a painful smile.
We were silent for a few minutes. Then he spoke — actually, they both spoke — because they had both calmed down a little and completed each other’s thoughts:
“Optimally: that we will want to be together. That we will feel most at home with each other. That there will be joy and love and friendship. That every meeting, whether morning or evening, will bring a smile and happiness. That every message between us will spark something — maybe even longing, even excitement. That the home will be warm and joyful.”
And they continued, painting for themselves the destination they were aiming toward.
By the way — they are on their way there.
Because ‚nitah kein farfallen‘ doesn’t speak only about the chance that we won’t collapse or fall apart. “Nothing is lost” should apply especially when we are living in mediocrity and refuse to accept it — when we continue striving for excellence because nothing is lost.
If you are living in a situation that is merely “okay” in any area of life and you accept it because “this won’t change in this lifetime” — this is the moment to stop and say:
Today is ‚Pesach Sheni‘. Nothing is lost. There is no such thing as a life in which there is no longer a chance for things to become enjoyable, amazing, pleasant, excellent — with financial wellbeing and emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
Nothing is lost.
And therefore this is the time to pause for a moment in the race of life, look toward the horizon, and try to imagine how our lives could be much better — our parenting, our marriage, our material life, and our spiritual life.
Because ‚nitah kein farfallen‘.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Zalman Wishedski