We went on a pleasant family trip in our car from Basel to London. On the way, we boarded the ferry in order to cross the English Channel. The children fell asleep as we left the ferry and went on to London, and only after an hour of driving did our six-year-old Mendel wake up and ask, panic-stricken: “Abba, why is everyone driving the wrong way?!”
I explained to him that in England people drive differently – and our wrong way is the right way for them, just as their right way is the wrong way for us.
Amused by the incident, I remembered a favorite story of mine, about an insane person who was standing in front a committee of doctors as they decided that he must be committed to a mental hospital. The insane person asked, “Why? Why should I be hospitalized?” And the doctors replied together: “Because we have determined that you are insane!”
To which the crazy man replied, “But in my mind it’s the other way around – you are insane, and I’m normal!” And here comes the sentence I love so much: The doctors responded, “You may be right, but, after all, we are the majority.”
As parents and in general, we must always remember this, and remember it well. Often what we see as normal and logical will not necessarily seem so to another person, and sometimes not to our children.
The Parasha of Masei counts the 42 journeys made by the Jewish People in the wilderness over forty years of wandering. The Ba’al Shem Tov says that this is true not only for the Jewish People in the wilderness, but for every Jew: we all have to go through 42 journeys – some long, some easy and short, but journeys nevertheless. And it is best to understand this and accept it.
As far as I can see, it seems that every person has his or her own personal journey, the way that for him is normal and straight; and often this way might seem wrong and backwards to someone else.
So what should one do?
Perhaps, like we do when we disembark from the ferry at Dover in England: look around, understand that what is “wrong” for one is the “right” for the other, and try to merge with the rest of the traffic.
Good luck!
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Zalmen Wishedski